Educated people will tell you that an active campaign of censorship + ignorance = problems.

That is until it comes to topics they personally find repugnant. Then, such a strategy apparently becomes not only acceptable, but de riguer. We propose that conflict and violence are just such topics. Topics that have been banned from the realms of rational discussion, knowledge and understanding.

This is why we draw the analogy between conflict and violence and sex in the 1950s. Like sex, conflict is a natural human behavior. One that you cannot stop by denying its existence or attempting to promote abstinence.

Current dogma is that conflict is bad. Physical violence is viewed as evil, abhorrent, traumatic, out of control and something that must socially engineered out of existence by policies, laws and legal retribution.

And yes we intentionally used the word 'dogma.' Much of what are being promoted as unquestionable 'truths' on these subjects are not only unproven, but in many instances demonstrably false (e.g. "Violence never solved anything"). Offering a different point of view is risky. Daring to question the veracity of popular 'truths' about violence is often an invitation to a tirade worthy of a religious fanatic.

At Conflict Communications we contend popular denial, condemnation and ignorance don't protect people from the trauma of conflict and violence. They instead leave people vulnerable and more traumatized. Simply stated, teaching abstinence does not instill coping skills regarding a normal human behavior.

It also leaves individuals and organizations exposed to civil liability because it promotes unrealistic expectations and impossible standards.

Like the 1950s social norm that you didn't talk about sex -- or admit that you were engaging in it -- today there is massive denial about admitting you're engaging in conflict. Among those who pride themselves on being civilized and educated there is especially strong taboo about physical violence.

Unfortunately this thinking also includes complicated mental gymnastics to self-rationalize why what you are doing is not violent, conflict or primate behavior. When in fact, it is very much those behaviors. Office politics, a disagreement with your spouse or children or a full blown physical fight, conflict is conflict. The issues of getting what you want, protecting what is yours and changing unacceptable behavior remain the same. They are are primate conflict behavioral patterns and motivations. What changes is the methodology of achieving those goals.

As sex is a means to broader goals and biological imperatives (procreation, bonding, etc) so too is conflict. Conflict and violence are not only long term survival mechanisms, but contrary to what you might think, they also serve important social functions and are a fundamental element in effective negotiation and compromise.

Humans are born with very powerful drives. There are many different ways one can fulfill these drives. Not only from a cultural standpoint, but socio-economic, familial and individual differences also apply. So you have all these people with powerful drives going in every which way to achieve them.

Of course, there's going to be conflict. But what is most amazing is that it's not total chaos.

That's because nature has also instilled in us fundamental conflict behavior patterns. Whether you call them patterns, templates, programming or scripts, these default behaviors guide human conflict. And they do so to perpetuate the species instead of destroying us.

You see human beings are social primates. We are designed to function in groups. We need other people to survive. It is our group behavior that has allowed the species to survive a few million years in a world without the comforts and safety of modern civilized life. And conflict behavior is as critical component for keeping the group going as cooperation.

These conflict behaviors allow us and our powerful drives to co-exist with others. Others with equally powerful drives. These behavioral patterns are identifiable, predictable, teachable, reliable and most of all, inherent to human behavior. While we can learn to guide them and control them, as a human trait, they are here to stay.

This is why treating conflict and violence like some kind of horrible shameful topic -- and a behavior that must be stopped -- is not just hypocritical, but a flawed strategy.

Like sex, conflict is going to happen. And it's going to happen regardless if you consider it wrong, bad, dirty, shameful and something that only uncivilized and bad people engage in regularly.

These concepts are what underlie Conflict Communications attempts to educate people about conflict. Ignorance about conflict not only increases the likelihood of conflict, but it also increases the trauma. A lack of coping skills, understanding of the patterns, degrees and scripts of violence and practical experience leave people floundering and lost. When that happens, they are more likely to overreact and injure themselves and others.

But you can't tell someone who has been nursed on popular ignorance that just because there's a conflict doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Or that just because a situation has become physically violent that someone is going to die. It takes knowledge and understanding to combat ignorance.